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the benefits of goji berriesDinner Party Etiquette for the 21st Century!
Dinner party etiquette, and indeed the subject of etiquette in general is wrapped up and disguised in layer upon layer of old school tradition!
I intend to dispel some of the mystique of dinner party etiquette. Here you will find easy, commonsense advice and tips to help you through any modern day formal or semi-formal dinner occasion.
Whether you happen to be hosting a party or attending as a guest, this information is for you...............this is dinner party etiquette for the new millennium!
Dinner Party Etiquette - the Basics
- Even in today's fast and ever changing lifestyle, there is one very simple skill which if we don't already possess, can easily be learned that is guaranteed to get you through even the most trying social occasion - good manners! Yes, something as simple as politeness and good manners will make up ten fold for any lack of etiquette know-how.
- And if you are not sure if your manners are good enough, pick a role model and compare your behaviour with them. This could be someone well known on screen or television, or perhaps a friend, colleague or business associate. Pay attention to how they behave around other people. Learn from them!
- Learn to be confident in yourself. Unease and nervousness in social occasions will undoubtedly make you feel uncomfortable and thus more prone to unnatural behaviour. A good tip before any important occasion is to go somewhere quiet on your own and sit or preferably, lay down. Close you eyes - and relax by taking long, slow, deep breaths. Then in your imagination, see yourself at that social event looking calm and confident. Imagine yourself interacting comfortably with other guests - you are a total success! Feel the experience - really let it sink in. This type of mental programming will assist you tremendously.
- As host or dinner guest, never allow yourself to be persuaded into believing that the more you spend, the greater the impression you will make! That may be true in certain (frivolous!) circles of society, but it is generally not so, and it is certainly quite unnecessary. Spend only that which you can comfortably afford.
Dinner Party Etiquette - Myths and Unnecessary Trivia
What rules? There are no rules!!
- We hear a great deal about rules of etiquette, as though they were written in stone somewhere, or part of the Constitution! What is acceptable to one person or one society may be totally unacceptable to another. If you must live by rules, then develop your own list of rules! Rules of etiquette steeped in history and tradition have very little real relevance in today's society.
- Some folk firmly believe that unless you come from a background of substantial wealth and a particular upbringing, then you are automatically excluded from certain social choices. This is completely, and utterly, ridiculous! In my profession, I have performed the role of Butler at numerous very grand and formal social occasions for the wealthy and upper classes. And I do not exaggerate when I say that on occasions, the behaviour of some of those attending was truly appalling. Social background, education and wealth are no guarantees of good manners and proper behaviour!
- Often a dinner host or hostess believes that the more complex the menu, the more extravagant the occasion, the more elaborate the table setting ......the more he or she will impress the guests! That is far from the reality! A simple yet stylish, well executed dinner party delivered with thought, care and attention, will achieve a far greater result........for a lot less stress!
- Dress code? Just as there are no rules in modern day entertaining, there is also.....no dress code! However, if it's a formal affair and the host has clearly indicated a dress style (black tie, lounge suits, smart casual etc) then clearly, the dinner guest should respect that. As a host however, do consider carefully whether such a stipulation is really necessary. The trend these days is very much towards casual dining and generally speaking, most dinner guests will be more relaxed in that situation.
Dinner Party Etiquette - Social Behaviour
- If you are hosting a dinner party, use yourself as an example of what you consider to be acceptable social behaviour. Most dinner guests will take their lead from you - and if they don't, they probably shouldn't be there and are unlikely to be invited again!
- The art of conversation! The successful dinner party host should always encourage lively and varied conversation with honest opinions being expressed and shared. However, proper dinner party etiquette should encourage avoiding sensitive issues or subjects that some guests may find uncomfortable. As a considerate dinner host, if such a conversation is under way, discreetly interject and carefully change the subject. Or if that fails, interrupt by introducing the next course!
- For both the dinner host and guest, excessive behaviour of any sort is to be avoided. That should include excessive drinking, excessive talking (being overbearing!), excessive joke telling (particularly bad ones!!) and even excessive eating! A healthy appetite is to be enjoyed, over indulgence however, is not an endearing feature!
- To smoke, or not to smoke? Ultimately, it is the responsibility of the host or hostess to dictate on this. As smoking becomes less and less acceptable publicly, it is quite unacceptable to do so at a dinner table unless expressly invited to do so. It can be a sensitive issue. Personally, I would advise that the host makes another room available (perhaps where after dinner coffee will be served) for any guest wishing to smoke. Again, there are no strict rules on this subject - as dinner host, you must make this choice for your guests.
Dinner Party Etiquette - Place and Table Setting
- The days of making an impression by setting out enormous and extravagant place settings with numerous pieces of (sometimes confusing!) cutlery and glassware for an excessively long menu are thankfully, largely over. Keep the setting simple by putting in place only that which is required up to and including the main course. Cutlery for any following courses can acceptably be provided as the dinner progresses and concludes.
- Excessively large, elaborate table decorations and expensive, hall marked tableware are quite unnecessary (unless ofcourse they are family heirlooms!). A simple yet thoughtfully styled table using the best that you own and can afford can be very affective. Don't be led into the trap of believing that your table must look like something off the front of a glossy home design magazine! I said earlier that there are no rules. Well infact there is one golden rule...........keep it simple!
- If you are hosting a large dinner party, then a table plan and place cards are essential. For a smaller party however, avoid such unnecessary protocol. Simply, casually direct dinner guests to sit where you would prefer them to.
This is dinner party etiquette for the 21st century. All of the above is no more than plain, common sense! And it is also about behaving responsibly and not offensively!
As a final word, please remember that the true art of entertaining has one prime goal...........that of pleasure! It should be enjoyed by host and guest alike. So at all costs, avoid being overly concerned about what is "right, and what is "wrong". Do what you feel is right ........and if you do happen to make the odd gaff - as long as you carry it off with grace, honesty and humility, you will happily survive the day! After all, it is only a dinner party!
Relax..............and enjoy!
Robert Jackson has worked all of his life in the hospitality business. Now at http://www.gourmet-food-revolution.com, he shares his views, ideas, tips and guidance on entertaining at home.......with style, and ease!
Finding the Right Type of Catering for Your Event
Full Service Catering:
This can be heavy hors d� oeuvres, sit-down meals, beautiful buffets and stations, beverages, cappuccino bars and other event planning. This can involve on-site cooking of some of the food using your kitchen space and oven, to setting up a temporary kitchen on site to prepare your meals. You have a full wait staff to set up the entire event and to tend to you and your guests needs during this special occasion. The staff will take down and clean up, and they should even take away the trash. They will work closely with your hired professional vendors to ensure that your event is perfect.
Private Catering Events at a Restaurant:
Many restaurants can offer you private use of their facility � often called a �buy-out�. They will close their restaurant during their regular hour for a price. Remember that they will turn away all business that would come their way, and there for patrons will go elsewhere for the evening. The price is usually expensive, but if it is your favorite place, what a better way to celebrate. You can bring in your own entertainment, floral and d�cor or let them take care of it all. You can do as much or as little as you would like. Show up, have a wonderful time, and go home with no extra work on your part.
Pick-up and Drop Offs:
Food that is mostly self-service. Many places will offer their popular items, hors d� oeuvres or entrees, that can be picked up by you or delivered to the party site. You may consider hiring an outside service staff to assist you, or ask family and friends to help serve and clean up. The food can come ready to serve on platters or may require chafing dishes to keep them hot. Some caterers offer appetizers that are best when cooked right before serving and they can even supply you with the simple cooking instructions. This is a very cost effective way to cater, and the size of your event can dictate if this is really a practical way to go.
Meet with A Caterer!
Plan at least six months to one year before your wedding to begin planning. Look for caterers who are members of catering associations. By being a member they surround themselves with professionals and industry leaders. You need a professional who is constantly educating themselves to provide you the client, with the most up to date menu, trends and ideas to create the best event possible.
View their portfolio and see the style of their work. Many will create a proposal for you, based on your menu selection and style of catering service. There should be no charge for this service, and you should be able to change, add or delete items up until at least one month before your event. Of course this can affect the price. If this is an off-premise event, meet with the caterer at the site and discuss your vision for the location. Call a rental company to come out as well, to make sure your proposal is as accurate as possible. If you are comparing catering companies, please make sure you are comparing the style of service and menu selection. One caterer is not offering you drop off food in foil pans and the other is offering you a full service catering event with a 5-course meal and full staffing!
Once you receive the proposal make sure everything you asked for is included and you understand what is presented. Upon agreeing to the terms and conditions of the catering service a deposit is due to confirm their services with you for that day. The number of events a caterer does in one day varies with each event, guest count, style of service and the menu. You want to find someone who is not looking to be the busiest � only the best!
Valerie Vollmer has been an off premise caterer for over 20 years. Is one of only 175 CPCE (Certified Professional Catering Executives) in the US. National Association of Catering Executives - 2nd National Vice President
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